Show me the Ineffective Listening

            Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise) opens the movie, “Jerry Maguire” with a dialogue discussing how many people there are in the world, and simply put, how busy and high in demand he was; was being the key word.  At best he is an extremely successful, high-powered agent who represents the finest tuned athletes in every sports arena.  He is presented as a wealthy, good-looking, smooth operator with a never say die attitude.  His main pitfall is that he is so successful that he doesn’t take time to communicate with his clients; he doesn’t listen to their requests and what they truly want.  In the dialogue he notes that he receives 262 phone calls per day, leading the viewer to believe that he has athletes begging to do business with him.  It is evident that Jerry is ineffective at listening as, “we see him juggle the callers on his multi-line office phone, slinging clichés as he switches between athletes” (Mathis, 311).  The viewer might believe that Jerry is a terrible listener because he has too many clients to keep track of, but even when he has lost all of his clients except one, Rod Tidwell, and he has lost his job, he is still an ineffective listener.

            We listen to friends, relatives, co-workers, and so forth on a daily basis, however that doesn’t mean that everyone is good at it.  “Listening well is just as important in the job as in personal relationships” as is portrayed in the film, Jerry Maguire (Mathis).  Some of the elements in the listening process that are highlighted in the film include attending, responding, pseudolistening, and ambushing; even social influence is illustrated.  The focus of the film Jerry Maguire and that of this paper is ineffective listening.  The previously noted elements in the listening process can be linked to countless scenes throughout the movie.  Visualizing the ineffective listening elements may assist one when attempting to gain experience from studying and incorporating better habits into their own lives.

            The element of listening that is psychological and is a process of selection is termed attending.  There is a well-known cliché that says, “He/she only hears what they want to hear” or “They have selective listening.”  It is completely true; a person hears what they want to hear, for example, “Needs, wants, desires, and interests determine what is attended to.  Not surprisingly, research shows that we attend most carefully to messages when there’s a payoff for doing so” (Mathis, 270).  Jerry Maguire did indeed attend to other's messages very carefully when it had the chance of affecting his needs, wants, desires and so on.

            Several scenes illustrated Maguire attending, or the lack there of, to others messages.  Rod Tidwell and Maguire were at the airport waiting for a flight to the NFL Drafts.  Maguire spotted the one client he needed to maintain to stay on top in the pro sports agent world, the famous Kush; also the potential number one draft pick.  He left the side of his one client to make contact with Kush. Tidwell began yelling for Jerry to pay attention to him, and was expressing his aggravation to even be there if he were there solely to be ignored.  Maguire turned to him and told him how wonderful he was, and that it was important for him to be there because he was “gonna go all the way!” Maguire was only halfway listening, certainly not attending to Tidwell’s concerns.  He only heard part of Tidwell’s remarks because he had interest in retaining him, but Jerry wasn’t truly listening to him. 

            In the same scene Jerry uses pseudolistening with Tidwell.  Pseudolistening is the appearance that a person is listening, when they really are not.  A person may, “look you in the eye, nod and smile at the right times, and may even answer you occasionally. Behind that appearance of interest, however, something entirely different is going on because pseudolisteners use a polite façade to mask thoughts that have nothing to do with what the speaker is saying” (Mathis, 275).  Jerry used a polite façade, buttered him up to believe that he was the most important by patting him the back, and completely ignored Tidwell’s concerns as to why he was even there in the first place.  Jerry used pseudolistening on several occasions, appearing to listen to what his clients or others were saying, by nodding his head, smiling, pats on the back, laughter at the right times, and etcetera.  In a sense he was a master at pseudolistening.

            Another element that was used was responding.  Responding occurs when one person gives feedback, valuable feedback, to another.  Maguire often gave feedback that was mindless dribble in comparison to a kitten’s cry for milk!  One scene showed one of his professional NFL players who had been injured on the field and was laying in a hospital bed.  The player had a concussion and was being questioned by the doctor as to his name, and who the people were surrounding him (his wife, son, and agent).  As Jerry left the hospital room the son, a boy about the age of ten, followed him out.  Jerry told the boy that his dad was going to be just fine.  The boy told him that this was the fourth concussion in one year, and he was worried about his father.  He wanted Jerry to tell his dad to stop playing.  Jerry responded with mindless affirmations that his father would be just fine.  Jerry was simply muttering what he thought the boy wanted to hear, a verbal pat on the back so to speak, which was an ineffective way to respond, as well as attending to his own needs.  Amusingly, the child realized that Maguire was listening ineffectively and blurted out a few profane remarks.  Research validates that a person’s responses to another affect the overall communication.  “One study of 195 critical incidents in banking and medical settings showed that a major difference between effective and ineffective listening was the kind of feedback offered.¹³ Good listeners showed that they were attentive by nonverbal behaviors such as keeping eye contact and reacting with appropriate facial expressions. Their verbal behavior—answering questions and exchanging ideas, for example—also demonstrated their attention” (Mathis, 271).  Even though Jerry responded with a verbal behavior, he was simply not listening.

            Social Influence was another element in the listening process that was illustrated in Jerry Maguire.  Men and women’s communication skills are stereotyped by society.  “This characterization of men as rational speakers and women as emotionally oriented listeners has persisted over time. Notice how the traits associated with speaking—forcefulness, power, and confidence— line up with stereotypically male behavior, whereas the traits associated with listening—caring, empathizing, other-centeredness, patience, and understanding—are stereotypically feminine” (Mathis, 273).  Jerry’s sister-in-law held and participated in a weekly meeting for divorced women.  The women’s group consistently fit the stereotype of women as emotional beings and men as unemotional.  They frequently discussed how men attempted to control them, and how that made them feel.  The divorced women’s group was a classic example of social influence and how men and women are perceived to think.

            Although Jerry Maguire in an ineffective listener at the beginning of the film, he is human, and like most, has the ability to learn as he ages.  When all is lost and he is completely alone, and he finally witnesses his one client become successful, mostly in part due to better communications skills between them, he realizes that he had not listened in his personal life either.  He never saw the look of frustration upon his wife’s face when he was not at home, or the sadness when he only spoke of work.  He never knew what she truly wanted between them, as well as he never knew himself and what he wanted for himself. 

            Jerry had to learn the hard way how imperative effective listening is in all aspects of life, regardless of work, home, or otherwise.  He was at the top of his game and lost everything because he could not communicate effectively with others, due to his poor listening skills.  As he gained insights as to how to listen to his clients and how to listen to his wife, he gained the independence he knew at the beginning of the film; adding to his list of success, effective listening.

            Jerry Maguire is an insightful film that forces one to contemplate the value of their daily listening skills; how much they actually understand in regards to how much they hear in one day.  Effective listening is relative to the desire to understand.  When we lack the desire to understand what someone else’s point of view may be, then we fail to fully listen.  These ideas go beyond work and family; they extend to all aspects of our lives.  I have gained the initiative to become a more effective listener.  I realize that I do not hear everything there is to hear, understand all that one says to me, attend to all matters even when they don’t offer a gain, or respond in a manner that offers positive feedback in every conversation that I have with others, but I have become a better listener because each time I encounter a conversation, these elements have been instilled.  I choose to value and utilize those elements.  Others may overlook the value, and that is their choice, however those will be the individuals whose relationships and communication with others are lacking.  With practice I believe that I can make my choice to become a more effective listener reality.